domingo, 30 de setembro de 2012

Dialogos II

Em meio a um salão opulento com paredes altas, um chão enjoadamente limpo, um silêncio de arte e uma temperatura gelada, encontramos quatro poltronas de couro. Rodeados por pinturas renascentistas de três metros de altura, com anjos levantando Maria Madalena pelas vestes, romanos em batalhas e Davi prestes a imobilizar Golias, decidimos dar um tempo e parar de decifrar quadros e esculturas. 

Sentamo-nos com dor nas costas e uma secura na alma.

- Sabe, temos uma lista de tarefas a seguir que me fazem pensar que o mundo não pode prover felicidade a todos. - me disse, a quebrar a ausência de som.

- Por exemplo? - perguntei.

- Arranjar um namorado, casar, ter filhos, conquistar um diploma, obter um trabalho, ser bem-sucedida profissionalmente, ficar bonita, me vestir sempre na moda, ir ao cinema, ler livros, me tornar inteligente e culta, criar uma família na qual eu traumatize meus filhos o menos possível, ter amigos ao meu redor e continuar em um circulo sem fim, que me deixa estranha e atordoada. E, ironicamente, cada vez menos humana. 

Silêncio.

Silêncio.

- E se não tenho sucesso em algo é porque falhei. Pois não fui boa o bastante. 

Silêncio.

- Eu nunca vou ser boa o bastante.

(quero chorar e me fechar de tudo)

Silêncio.

- Nós somos incrivelmente banais. E eu encaro isso e torno-me mais leviana ainda, por pensar que sabendo disso fico mais inteligente. E quanto mais consciência do mundo eu crio, mais me ponho alienada. Temo me trancafiar em uma concha vazia, ou em uma gaveta mofada da qual eu julgue o mundo por detrás da minha frieza. 

- Você não é fria - atalhei. Se foi uma resposta idiota, não sei, mas precisava levantar-lhe a moral em meio ao discurso catastrófico-suicida. Como a provar tudo o que me falou, sorriu em gratidão e disse: "Muito obrigada". 

Levantou-se e saiu em direção a uma pintura de um pequeno e gordo anjo com a face da curiosidade, parado em frente ao portão do inferno a observar o diabo em um trono. Achei a cena uma metáfora mórbida e absurda e decidi sair daquele lugar. Certas visões simplesmente não necessitam de testemunhas. 

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